Horace Goes to School

Horace Goes to School
by
Robin Hall


Horace’s excellent neighbor Miss Poppy knew a secret she shared with only 4 other people in the whole wide world. She knew that Horace was an unusually nice zebra mule, which wasn't a secret. She also knew that he was curious just like you and I. He really understood what everyone was talking about which was more than could be said of lots of people.

Miss Poppy set her fine Flat TV up so Horace could watch any time he wanted, which was quite often. Watching TV was a good way to learn English as many foreigners have found out. There were educational shows on too. English as a second language was on Channel 75 and Horace watched it every day.

Now many of you might wonder how a zebra mule could watch TV and Channel 75 in particular but it was no trick. Miss Poppy had put a remote control in a plastic bag and set it outside the window where Horace watched from. She also put a cut off wooden cooking spoon there so Horace could change channels. Horace loved changing channels just like most men. He also liked watching the whole program too. Horace was a well rounded individual.

After several weeks of ESL, Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers, Horace moved on to more challenging shows like Oprah, Jenny and Hollywood Squares. Next he took a shine to Jeopardy which was a challenge indeed. Horace suspected Alex Trebek didn't’t really know the all the answers like he pretended to.

Horace enjoyed National Geographic programs, W.C. Fields movies, Cracker and the Nanny. The first Francis the Talking Mule series was also interesting and Horace wished he could talk too. Now this started Horace thinking and thinking. “I know I can’t talk but I can learn things and I bet that Internet Peter Jennings mentioned on ABC news, is just the thing.”

Hmmm. What to do? One day Horace and Miss Poppy were watching a CNNFn report about Internet stocks which Miss Poppy owned many of AND sold just in time.

Horace changed to Shopping Channel, then back to the Internet report he had recorded earlier. Miss Poppy threw her socks at Horace but he kept changing the channels. She threw TV Guide without any results either. Then she thought a bit. The Internet!!! “Horace, do you want to have the Internet so you can keep learning?” Horace nodded quickly.

Well, luckily Miss Poppy had plenty of money, in part due to selling the Internet stock short at just the right time. She also the satellite antenna already in place. She called the workpeople, Marshall and Mathilda Morse who were having some trademark differences with Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing and they got to work.

Miss Poppy liked the couple even thought they bickered a lot. They were very careful workers for one thing. They worked hard too, kept up to date on all the new things, never gossiped about their clients and they didn't’t ask questions like why Miss Poppy would want 2 satellite Internet set ups, one for the house and one for the barn.

They also didn't’t ask why she wanted an odd door put on the back of the barn or why she wanted such a funny table built near the window. They just did as they were told like the good workpeople they were. They charged a decent wage. Miss Poppy paid cash. Everyone was happy.

First Miss Poppy called several friends to ask about hardware and software. She checked the library for Consumer Reports and PC World, then she called Dell, HP and Gateway. She also checked ConsumerSearch .

She chose Dell and ordered 2 of everything they needed. When the boxes arrived Marshall and Mathilda came back to install the gear and fine-tune the antenna. They put huge APC battery back UPS on both computers, installed the virus scanners and firewalls, updated them and went home.

Later Miss Poppy showed Horace how to get in the back door of the barn, turn on the computer and reminded him to scan disk and defrag once a week which he did. She also brought another cut-off kitchen spoon and put a clear plastic cover over the keyboard since Horace tended to slobber a bit. Miss Poppy walked out and shut the door. Horace stared at the fine 21" flat panel screen and brayed happily.

Horace slowly typed " search engines " into the Google Toolbar because one of the programs on TV said that’s how to find things. There were many choices but three caught his eye:

Google

Answers.com

Jux2, Comparison Searching. And so the search began.

He asked questions at Answers.com . Then he typed “ online schools ” into
Google. WOW. There were schools everywhere teaching everything Horace ever wanted to know. Miss Poppy had told him he could use her Visa Card for software, tuition and books so he did.

Horace could now talk to Miss Poppy using the keyboard. He asked if he could sign up for a subscription to
LexisNexis . "Sure, but only the basic subscription for now." Horace brayed his thanks.

Horace signed up for some basic computer and Internet tutorials. When he had to put in a name, he was stumped. There were 3 spaces. A first name, middle initial and last name. Horace only had one name, Horace. “Hmmm. Well, most people think I am a mule but that doesn't’t help here. Aha!!” he thought. He began typing. Horace M. Ule, 698 Melody Lane, Music Valley, SG 555047.

After some initial mistakes and dead ends, Horace sent for information on how to get his GED. He signed up for the course. Soon the books arrived and the courses started. Horace had trouble turning pages and rumpled more than a few until one day Miss Poppy saw the books and put a rubber tip on one of his wooden spoons. Plus she cleaned the plastic cover on the keyboard.

Learning was wonderful. The world was at his fingertips, er, well teeth and spoon anyway. Horace quickly learned you don’t have to be seeking a degree to be able to learn and he just took courses that interested him. He did quite well in them too.

You know, that is the way of the world. Most anyone can learn most anything today. You don’t have to dress up for classes either. Why you can come to class just like Horace, in the backdoor in his birthday clothes if you like. You don’t have to be able to talk either, just be curious like Horace and want to learn because its fun.

Horace soon began making friends on the Internet too. Some were from his classes and some were from the Yahoo game site where Horace was learning bridge from a deaf girl who lived in Mattoon, IL.

Horace began sleeping in the barn and would sign on at all hours since he mostly catnapped so to speak. His online adventures were almost like real life ones.

He made many friends that he would probably never see in real life. No one would know that their friend was a zebra mule either. Horace didn't know what his friends looked like.

It didn't matter either as long as everyone was nice and interesting. Why I bet you might have played a game somewhere on the Internet with a wonderfully curious zebra mule named Horace or maybe with a pig named Snorfle and you never knew it.

Life online. What a wonderful concept for a curious zebra mule on Melody Lane in Music Valley.