How Giggleopolis Became the Capital of the State of Confusion

How Giggleopolis Became the Capital of the State of Confusion
by
Robin Hall


Mind you this is merely speculation just like most things, but from the very best sources available I have pieced together the following brief history, talked to some of the people involved and investigated the silly circumstances that changed the course of history in these parts.

Its about Winton, The State of Confusion, Wilson, Winston and as you will learn, Giggleopolis.

Winton. For as long as anyone could remember, Winton was the Capital of the State of Confusion, that is to say for at least 37 years since not many people remember things longer than that. A few of the really old-timers remembered something about a town named Winston but these were only rumors.

Winton was a mild mannered town in the center of the state which was very handy, unlike the Capital of Flamingo Land which was way up in the panhandle and definitely NOT handy.

Still, Winton had its crime sprees just like everywhere else. For instance about 11 years ago two young men in baggy pants, backward hats and ill fitting shoes drove a suspicious looking AMC Gremlin into town. Big colorful signatures and pictures began appearing everywhere. Winton was getting tagged.

One day, Wilson, Smitty, Smits the local sheriff and garage owner saw some paint cans in the Gremlin when the boys stopped in for gas.

That night at dinner, Wilson pointed this out to his fine, and much smarter wife, Cora. "Wilson, you are a good mechanic, husband and father but your crime detecting skills leave much to be desired. Those were the taggers!!" she said affectionately.

Wilson was not one to take offense easily but he was not too big a fool either. The next time the boys stopped for gas he arrested them, locked them in the men's room of the garage which was about as close to a jail as Winton had and he called Judge Brampton who was next door having a massage with Milly.

Milly was very good at her job and regularly tended to the men and women of Winton. Milly tended to anyone with ca$h.

The Judge came right over. He tried and convicted the boys then he sentenced them to clean up their mess.

Their car, the suspicious Gremlin was impounded. Later in the week the local sign painting company's owner offered the boys a job since she didn't have anyone to paint signs and they both accepted the job in lieu of more commode time.

Several years later, the younger boy, Willie the Rat, became vice president of the sign painting company when he married the boss’ daughter and his friend Wee Mikey was elevated to chief sign painter.

These positions allowed the boys to become useful citizens. Wee Mikey also married, they both had families and lived a productive life as is so often the case with malicious taggers and other folk who don't have a regular life.

Now as to Giggleopolis.

Giggleopolis was about 44 miles southwest of Winton. It did not have good sign painters.

The signs on the nearby four lane highway were being fixed over the holidays. The ill-trained painters got confused and had the arrows for Winton pointing to Giggleopolis. Everyone from the south came by, saw the signs and drove into Giggleopolis where the signs pointed.

The governor was somewhat confused when he got back from the holidays. Winton had completely changed into Giggleopolis. The assistant governor was similarly confused as were half of the state senators and representatives. However they all just met at the local bar, had some tequila sunrises, began work as usual and that was that.

Of course there were lots of new buildings to build and no one figured out where the other half of the senators, representatives and most of the state workers were, but remember, this was the State of Confusion.

No one missed the Secretary of State all that much. Everyone knew he couldn't type and who needed a secretary who couldn't type?

The Secretary of the State was from the northern half of the State of Confusion and didn't see the offending signs. When he got back from vacation most of the important people were not there.

He needed a job and the local dairy was hiring drivers but didn't need a Secretary of State, especially one who couldn't type. So he got hired and is doing quite well to this day.

Early on his boss discovered that he was quite punctual which is important for a dairy driver. In later years he married a local lad who no one could figure out what he did for a living. It was suspected he wrote computer programs or traded stocks.

The senators, representatives and other workers from the northern parts of the state also didn't see the offending sign and they too returned to work in Winton after the holiday.

Alas no one was there to tell them what to do so they all went home and took productive jobs in construction though a few stayed on at the dairy.

And that is how Giggleopolis became the capital of the State of Confusion. Perhaps we could blame all this on holidays, sign painters or merely chance. These speculations are beyond the scope of this report.